Thursday, March 17, 2011

Toilets, bouncy balls and shoplifting

The bathroom is a very private place. You are always alone in the bathroom. Even if you go to the bathroom with someone, you are alone in the stall unless you have kids or are weird. In the solace of the bathroom there is something I do, and often.

I drop things in the toilet. All the time infact. This is not a recent development either.

In high school I dropped my fur purse in the toilet (yep I rocked that much!). I have lost several cell phones to to a watery grave. A toothbrush (yeah.....), lotion, any shirts with strings on them are def going there. I don't know why I can't keep my stuff out of the toilet.

So yesterday half of my jacket ended up in the toilet. Its not even shocking even more. I just accept it for what it is and go on.  These are the things that happen when we are alone and we don't tell anyone. Like when I was taking a urine test and I kicked the cup over not once, not twice but three times in two minutes (three times a lady, that's me).

Toilets.... adventures surrounding every flush!!

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There are lots of things we say we will do when we grow up that parents prevent us from doing as children. Somehow though, between being a kid and being fully grown, most people forget them.

Not me!

I eat dessert before meals, I leave dirty dishes in the sink, I stay up way late, I definitely blow bubbles in my chocolate milk and I bounce balls down the aisles in the store.

That's right. Who can forget the allure of the bouncy ball? Make it a super bouncy ball and it is SO on.

At Target tonight I was making my way through the bed linen aisle (how very adult of me), thinking about the discrepancy between targets and my own definition of "clearance." On the top of the shelf was a large super bouncy ball, green and white swirled. I glanced at it, feeling the bounce in my hand. I walked on chiding myself for such immature thoughts. Two aisles away I glanced back. That's all it took.

 I walked back and grabbed the ball. I bounced it all the way through the bed linens, kitchen wares and dog treats before I encountered a store employee. I realized that at 25 there are only glimpses of the children we once were. I don't always want to say "no" to me. Sometimes we need the small "yes" to remind us to relish each moment childishly or otherwise.

Tonight, I was the captain of my fate and I chose a bouncy ball. A kid may be reprimanded for such actions but, as an adult, you never regret the bouncy ball.
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And finally, a prime example of the degenerates being bred in this small town (of course I don't mean that....). I went to Publix to buy my weekly allotment of milk. When walking out I saw two small boys, unattended running out the door in front of me. I looked around for parents as these boys were far to young to be left to their own devices. The following conversation proved this :

"Where did you get that magazine?"
"I found it, I left a quarter on the shelf"

That's right, the little boy stole a magazine but, in his defense, he left a quarter on the shelf in payment as if the magazine rack were one of those Brach's candy stands where you throw in a quarter and pick out a couple of pieces of candy.

The innocence of childhood. Next time I go shopping at Publix I'm bringing a bag of quarters.

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