Tell you I'm sorry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdBym7kv2IM
Lyrics:

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are" - Coldplay

The science of human relationships is an imperfect one. Like Coldplay, we are just guessing at the science of making all the relationships in our day to day lives function without having them all crash around us at once (they are the proverbial spinning plates).  As I've mentioned previously (many times) there's buried treasure everywhere! Coldplay's "the scientist" is a song with a deep meaning. It's the letter we want to write to the spinning plate that broke when we dropped it. 

If it isn't already obvious, I'm writing this in lieu of documenting some outlandish happening when I was alone because I haven't been alone too much lately. I'm filling the hours away from home with dinners and spend-the -night and trips to the airport and long phone conversations about nothing. The snatches of alone I've had lately have given me time to reflect on little else than my thesis, stats class, reality TV (you knew that was coming!) and the science of relationships (friendships included! thanks Ravi Zacharias and C.S.Lewis).

So Coldplay had it right. Tell them you think they're wonderful, ask them to come back, tell them its not the same since they've been gone and tell them you're sorry. Sounds right. But all that comes across as the desperate plea of the borderline personality (i.e. Why wont you love me!?!). Ok so maybe we remember to keep the plates spinning by saying all of that before we drop them. Maybe we let the plates fall as they may but not without making every effort to keep them spinning. The complexities of human relationships are a phenomenon studied since the dawn of human existence. Stories,songs, poetry, all meant to narrate and explain the complexities of human interaction.

We all wish that life were as easy as "tell you I'm sorry." I know I'd say it if I thought it would help. Sometimes it does but sometimes we pass the point of I'm sorry. We cross the bridge of no return and burn it behind us. Counselors get the worst of it, our clients walk in with their relationships like ball of knotted yarn and they hand it to us, expecting us to untangle the chaos in 50 minutes when the truth is sometimes we can't untangle our own chaos. "Nobody said it was easy.....no one ever said it would be this hard"

I never invested time in a friendship I didn't care about. I hate wasting time being insincere hence my aversion to small talk. I'd rather sit in the dark then have to talk to someone about the weather (GAAA!!). I truly like so few people when friendships end..... "It's such a shame for us to part"
The few friendships that do end end because "I was just guessing at number and figures, pulling the puzzles apart." We don't always get the answers in time to save things and "You're lovely and I'm sorry" just doesn't seem to cut it and we can't "go back to the start"

When we are alone, we fail to experience the adventure of phileo love. We live in the dream-like state of appreciation love where we can only admire others from afar. But in the company of others, the adventure begins as we seek to keep the plates harmonically spinning.

(Thank you C.S. Lewis for "The Four Loves." )