Clumsy Moments

After a long hiatus I felt it only fair to pick back up on recounting my small adventures as it is summer and I am spending significantly more time alone.

It is a known fact that I suffer from a condition known as clumsiness. Although this may not seem as serious as many other conditions, I fear it may one day progress to a terminal state. My moments of clumsiness have actually been called works of art. Contortions of the body, falling from unheard of heights, demolition of various household items  occur with ne'er a bone broken.

It has recently come to my attention that I am in fact suffering from co-morbid conditions: clumsiness and awkwardness. Yes, in fact, these are co-occurring disorders. My official diagnosis is Clumsiness with Awkward features, recurring type. The essential features of this condition involve recurring acts of clumsiness that victimize others.

For example, last week at a baby shower I managed to knock over three glasses of punch while kicking a table and elbowing a small child in the head, simultaneously. In my attempt to exit the room lest any other human or inanimate object be victimized, I managed to walk directly in front of no less than three photos being taken. As I said, my clumsy-awkward condition tends to draw others in magnifying the awkward nature of the condition. This condition makes me leary of small rooms, heights, slippery surfaces, environments where the weather has the potential to be discussed at length, small spaces where children or small dogs are present, refrain from touching breakable objects in stores (a very recent lesson) and prevents me from ever running, ever.

I have found, for many people, their clumsy moments occur interpersonally. They try to walk into a perfectly normal relationship and the next thing they know they are spilling the punch (emotional baggage) and elbowing small children in the head (making a big thing out of nothing). The clumsy moments become awkward as others are drawn into their awkward attempts at navigating something as simple as friendship. As a therapist, it is no difficulty to advise them on the conditions to avoid and provide them with an emotional hand rail to guide their way however, I find myself experiencing my own clumsy moments.

Sadly, these clumsy moments have ended with broken bones (metaphorically speaking) and worse. The co-occurring problems of clumsily and awkwardly navigating interpersonal relationships are not easily corrected. Clumsy moments in the physical sense are easily recovered from, laughed and cried over and easily forgotten. Clumsy moments in the emotional sense can leave lasting scars and are not so easily discarded.

I pray I will continue to gain wisdom so that my clumsy moments become less clumsy and less frequent. It is a small journey, navigating your emotions and relationships. No one may navigate them for you and no one but you may clean up the aftermath when the awkward nature of your clumsiness has left a puddle of green punch behind.

A few weeks ago I came home in the dark and the vaccum was right next to the basement steps. I rushed forward to race up the stairs only to find myself entangled in full-on brawl with the vacuum which ended with me  laying on top of the vacuum on top of the stairs. I was left laughing and crying for no less than 20 minutes. At the end, I felt stupid and somewhat violated and was suffering from a stubbed toe.

God, please protect the people in my life from becoming that vacuum in the dark.

I am thankful that vacuum wasn't the lawn mower. THAT would have been a true adventure!