"What would it be like to be normal?" I ask myself this as I wonder through hall after hall lugging a ridiculously huge bag. "I wonder what it must be like to KNOW where I am going and WHEN to get there."
Magically, I make my way into the library. I stop to ask the security person at the door if she knows where classroom 2 is.
"Classroom 2?"
"Yes, oh wait, do I get there by going around that bookshelf?"
Blank stares.....
"Oh no, oh ok, well how do I get there?"
"I've never been there myself," she says, "but I think if you go up those stairs and across the floor you'll find it. I've always wanted to find it but never been able to."
(so let me get this straight: A: You've always wanted to find some random classroom because it what, has been immortalized in folklore? B: You're telling me how to get there but you yourself have never actually found it?)
"Ok, thanks........"
So I dig through my large bag and fish out my wallet to scan my ID. I believe at this point I am, in fact, sweating. I make my way over to the area pointed out to me by the security guard. I check the time. 15 minutes early. Excellent, time for a bathroom break. I leave the bathroom and arrive at room 2.
No one is there.
I look around for a minute, hoping to see a familiar face. No. I have done it again. I pull out the syllabus to find it is in fact the 10th of September and not the 17th as previously thought. I was at the right place, on the wrong week. I quickly race over to the correct building just in time to be on time.
Fast forward to the actual 17th of September. Arrive at the library and fumble through my bag for my ID. Same security lady. Easily make my way to room 2. I check the time. 15 minutes early. Excellent, time for a bathroom break. I leave the bathroom and arrive at room 2. What's this? Oh class is already in progress. I walk in and sink self-consciously into the back row. I pull out the syllabus to find in fact class starts at 7:15 and not 7:30 as previously thought.
And this is my life. Perpetually lost, perpetually early or late, perpetually putting my clothes on inside out only to realize it after Ive already left the house and been in public. Forever leaving my house with my gas tank on E only to find Ive left my wallet at home (this happened several times).
My lack of attention to detail has lead me into many buildings and lost me in many cities. And yet, even with my state of perpetual bumbling, I find an ounce of redemption. Had I not gotten the dates mixed up the previous week, I would not have known where to go. Had I been finding my way for the first time to classroom 2, I would have been exceptionally late. Last weeks bumbling made this weeks not quite so....bumbly.
In life in general, I hope I am finding this to be true as well. The clumsy moments of yesterday prepare me for the future. While today is not without its own clumsy moments, somehow yesterdays prepared me for today. I may be forever bumbling, but I am learning. For me, the small adventure may be finding my way out of a downtown library, but it is also navigating the complexities of human interaction.
I thought today about "keeping the plates harmoniously spinning" (See previous blog, "Tell you I'm sorry") and I laughed that someone as awkwardly clumsy as I am would use something so fragile to represent the complexities of friendships. I should have used bouncy balls, or stuffed animals.
Tomorrow, I may not know where the heck I am. In fact, the chances are fairly high that I will get lost somehow and yet, I am thankful for these moments for they often tell me where I want to be.
And so night comes nicely to a close, no longer part-time lodging in a small town, at home now, in the suburbs.
